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EPam Wars

EPam Wars

Long ago in a municipality far, far away…

Spring, 1642 – Woburnia Founded

Woburnia is founded as a destination where people from all cultures can come to exchange ideas and relate to one another.

Spring, 1842 – Sass Relay Discovered In the Rings of Saturn, Jedi Council Formed

Advances in telescopy lead to a startling discovery in the mid-19th century. We are not alone.

On the bi-centennial of the city’s founding, the Sol/Saul Sass Relay, as it will come to be known, is discovered hidden in the rings of Saturn. Contact is soon made with the so-called Citanspin (an interplanetary governing body), and interplanetary travel begins. The Jedi Council, a group of Force sensitive beings, is formed to protect Woburnia from threats both terrestrial and otherwise.

Winter, 1925 – The Winchestan Rebellion

Winchestan, growing tired of Woburnia’s dominance of the tri-city area, revolts, physically attacking many Woburnian settlements in the area known as the Horn Pond Plaza Strip.  During the conflict, many allege Winchestan’s people are witches, and in turn, an internment camp is set-up across the pond, at the base of Horn Pond Mountain.  Woburnians of Winchestan descent are sent to the prison for the duration of the war.

Summer, 2004 – The EPam Star Proposal

Woburnia, now an historic tourist destination and cultural centre, elects a new Mayor in a special election after the former Mayor dies under mysterious circumstances. Mayor John Curran, in his first act, requests from the City Council the authority to construct and operate a large-scale space station, equipped with a laser capable of destroying an entire city.  He dubs this station, the “EPam Star.”  He cites long-term consternation with neighbors Burlingtovakia and Winchestan as the reason for the station’s existence.

The City Council will have none of it. Under Speaker of the Council Colleen McLaughlin, the request is summarily dismissed.

Fall, 2004 – The Burlingtovakian War

Burlingtovakia, neighbor of Woburnia, led by a small group of Town Selectman, is known for nothing, but its mall. Woburnia’s Mayor Curran becomes infuriated by the harsh rhetoric of Selectman Nathan Petrelli with regards to Burlingtovakia’s Mall, and the frequency with which Woburnians loiter.  Petrelli argues that Woburnians should hang out at their own mall, and leave Burlingtovakia’s alone. Woburnia debates how to proceed, holding a short referendum.  With the city divided nearly in half, Mayor Curran’s proposal passes.

Woburnia and Burlingtovakia go to war.

December 23rd, 2004 – A Festivus for the Rest of Us

Utterly decimated by the superior Woburnian Army, Burlingtovakia makes its final stand in the parking lot of the mall. Two Jedi Masters, Mark Smith and Sean Foley, take to their Snowspeeders and face a hoard of Burlingtovakian Interceptors. The two heroes successfully win the battle, effectively ending the war.

Later that day, a peace agreement is signed between the two warring municipalities, and the Burlingtovakia Mall officially belongs to Woburnia (as it always kinda did).

April 10th, 2005 – Terrorists Attack the Statue of Limitations

The Statue of Limitations, the construction of which was ordered in 1886, is a monument to the ancient race known as the Cetra.  Many beLIEve the Cetra to be responsible for mankind’s ability to interact with Midi-chlorians and use the Force, breaking the limitations of their physical being.

Three so-called “terrorists” use the Force to destroy her, in what will become the impetus for sweeping reforms across Woburnia, the most controversial of which is the creation of a new military force, designed to augment the Woburnia Police Department, known as stormSOLDIERs.

April 11th, 2005 – The Core of the Crisis (a.k.a. EPam Wars: Flash Mob!)

Mayor Curran alleges that the Jedi Council, longtime defenders of the city, are responsible for the destruction seen at the Statue of Limitations. He calls for the arrest of all Jedi Masters, disregarding the dearth of evidence.

Meanwhile, Curran’s Padawan pal, Evan, is having a crisis core to himself.  While Evan may be training to be a Jedi, he has never taken the tutelage seriously, preferring to spend his days consuming anime and manga at a feverous pace. His current obsession is Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoah A’s. 

Evan receives a phone call from a trusted colleague.  Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoah A’s has been cancelled.

Evan decides to strike out on his own, despite his Master’s wishes, and ask the Mayor for help.  He beLIEves the Mayor can help him return his beloved anime to television.  Unfortunately, before he can leave his own porch, he is met by a ragtag band of teenagers.  These teens harass Evan, calling him “EPam!” and confusing the shit out of him. 

Evan snaps. 

April 12th, 2005 – The Woburnian EPam Star Crisis (a.k.a. EPam Wars)

Play now to find out!

Character Profiles


ARavJob: Fighter
Age:  18
Weapon: Sword
Height:  7’4″
Birthday:  October 20
Birthplace: Woburnia

Once a member of pop super-group, Audio Mug-Shots, Adam is now a mercenary who will take any job. Father to Tumbles, he gradually gets caught up in a massive struggle for the fate of Woburnia.



RyMacJob: White Mage
Age:  18
Weapon: Staff
Height:  6’1″
Birthday:  January 15
Birthplace: Woburnia

Snail mail peddler, and father to illegitimate love child, Tumbles, Ryan Mac has a penchant for using the Force for good. His powers of healing are of great necessity when he is faced with his greatest foe: Irritable Bowel Syndrome.



MWard (Like the popular artist of the same name)Job: Summoner
Age:  18
Weapon: Glove
Height:  5’7″
Birthday:  September 19
Birthplace: Woburnia

Woburnian denizen and self-proclaimed cake-lover, Mike’s over-powering shyness has awarded him the nickname “Mime” from his peers. His few words always carry a great meaning, however, as he is an avid summoner of spirits to aid him in his adventures.



SPhilJob: Black Mage
Age:  17
Weapon: Staff
Height:  5’11”
Birthday:  June 19
Birthplace: Woburnia

Shane is a warm-hearted individual with an affinity for sleeping. He enjoys listening to a CD Walkmen wherever he goes, and his preference for Black Metal music has drawn him into the dark arts. Shane can cast spells at a 5th grade level.



SMartJob: White Mage
Age:  18
Weapon: Staff
Height:  4’4″
Birthday:  February 21
Birthplace: Woburnia

Although you wouldn’t know it just by looking at her, Sheri is the last remaining descendant of The Ancients; a fact Sheri, herself, doesn’t even know. She isn’t the strongest fighter, but with her ability to heal others, she can come in handy in a tight spot (or with a loose one).


Nicky D

NDesJob: Dittomorph
Age:  18
Weapon: Shuriken
Height:  6’8″
Birthday:  September 1
Birthplace: Woburnia

Nicky D, as he is affectionately referred, is a man with a mysterious past, and an even more mysterious present. His motives are unclear in nearly everything he does. All that is certain is that he loves himself a great deal.



DMalJob: Ship Captain (“Pirate”)
Age:  18
Weapon: (None)
Height:  5’6″
Birthday:  April 17
Birthplace: Woburnia

With his heart broken by a former love, Dav turned to his one last passion: Johnny Depp. Now, through his inspiration, Dav sails the vastness of Horn Pond in search of something that will fill the gap in his heart.



KBonJob: Thief
Age:  17
Weapon: Hammer/Axe
Height:  5’9″
Birthday:  July 16
Birthplace: Kentrucky

His original name remains a closely guarded secret. Kenny B is a monicker given by the Witness Protection Program after Ken testified against gang-member, “Little” Chino. Hmph… Probably shouldn’t publish that…



BBorJob: Berserker
Age:  18
Weapon: Claws
Height:  6’1″
Birthday:  Unknown
Birthplace: Woburnia

Due to his tremendous fear of pink pigs, Brett is a hermit. Save for rare instances, he does not leave the comfort of his home.   Nintendo 64 and Sega Dreamcast are his best friends, along Unreal Gold, off course.



TRavJob: Padawan
Age:  >1
Weapon: (None)
Height:  5’4″
Birthday:  June 22
Birthplace: Winchestan

The illegitimate love-child of Ryan and Adam, Tumbles is very intelligent for his age, and especially gifted with The Force.  He’s already walking and talking.  His Midi-chlorian count is off the charts. No doubt, he’ll be quite powerful when grown.

EPam Wars is a comedic role-playing game from 4203 Game Studios (formerly WeedWacker4203 Games) that harkens back to the era of 16-bit greats such as Earthbound. Players assume the roles of Adam Ravagni and Ryan McLaughlin as they scour the fictional city of Woburnia in search of their illegitimate love child Tumbles. Throughout the game, the party will expand to include additional characters, each with their own unique attributes.

The setting of the game is loosely based on a real city in New England and its inhabitants, but with a distinct ’4203 twist. The government is run by a tyrannical Mayor with a choke-hold over the city. A war with Burlingtovakia over the use of the mall has just ended in Woburnia’s favour. Jedi Knights and stormSOLDIERs protect the citizens from monsters roaming the streets. Long-time ’4203 fans will recognize many of the characters and locales appearing in the game, as well as several references to pop culture scattered throughout.


“EPam Wars” is currently under development by 4203 Game Studios using Enterbrain’s acclaimed software RPG Maker 2003.  The project was conceived in the Summer of 2004, by Ryan McLaughlin and Adam Ravagni. 

We discovered the Japanese RPG Maker 2003 had been translated to Engrish.  I had previous experience with the RPG Maker series, using it to create the smash hit PSOne title “When Hell Froze Over” some years earlier.  Thus, I was more than enthused at the prospect of creating a new game. We began brainstorming ideas for a game and quickly came up with multiple demos and experiments based around a short story written in about fifteen minutes. The target was for the end user to take roughly an hour to complete the game.

Too excited by our initial experiments, we showed the demos to anyone who would watch, and whatever “EPam Wars” was, it instantly grew into a cult phenomenon. Due to the rousing success of these vignettes, and my ever increasing knowledge of the engine, the game expanded from its origins as a short story to the grand epic it is today.

Spoiler AlertDownload HERE!

Minimum System Requirements

Operating System: Windows 95/98/XP/Vista/7/8
CPU: Pentium 200MHz or higher
Memory: 32MB of RAM
Hard Disk: 1.4GB free hard disk space
Graphics Card: DirectX 8.1 compatible

[Updated to v1.1 – 5.8.15]


  • + Added PADAWAN Difficulty option (playable throughout Episode I)
  • + Added various NPC’s and revised several cut scenes
  • + Changed the BGM of the Statue of Limitations
  • + Added .1 to the version number
  • Fixed game crashing bug when removing the Master Sword from the Church of Time

[Updated to v1.2 – 6.19.15]


  • + Added ‘Miss’ message when attacks fail
  • + Added various enemy attack animations
  • + Added various NPC’s
  • + Added .1 to the version number
  • – Fixed a bug causing crashes on some machines when entering full screen mode
  • – Removed Alternate Launcher and various unnecessary files from installation package
  • – Fixed a bug causing the Pause Menu not to revert to its proper state when returning from 1850


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