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Has Two-and-a-Half-Men Lost Its Sheen?

Two-and-a-Half-Men returned from an elongated hiatus Monday night after Charlie Sheen started WINNING! and all that nonsense gave last season a premature end.  Can this show survive Ashton Kutcher joining the cast?  Read on after the jump for my scathing review of Monday’s premiere.  [Editor’s Note:  And many kudos to my good pal Shane for the title of this post.]

First they showed the casket, and in the beginning, it was good.  The entire funeral scene was incredibly well done.  I found myself laughing and choking up right along with everybody on screen.  Even the Dharma and Greg bit had its charm, and I can’t stand Dharma.  Greg’s alright.  All was going quite swimmingly right up until the new guy showed up.  YSWIDT?

Alan's about to get Punk'd.

Meet Walden Schmidt

Walden Schmidt, played by the adequate Ashton Kutcher, has already proven himself to be an intolerably annoying individual.  As if expecting us to swallow this incredibly successful character immediately falling in guy love with Alan wasn’t enough, the producers decided to create a ludicrously unbeLIEvable backstory to account for his massive wealth.  He created something called “Blungogo.com” and “sold it to Microsoft for $1.3 billion dollars.”  *sigh*

Then, to add insult to insult, Wally goes on to claim M$ “bundled it with their ‘Ipod-killler [sic]’* the Zune.”  And he made the air bunnies.  What followed made any hope I still had for this show explode like a balloon full of meat.  Alan challenges the stranger’s preposterous claim, stating that his Zune didn’t come with a website bundled with it, at which point Schmidt scoffs at the notion that Alan bought the Zune in the first place.  How an intangible feat such as bundling a website with an MP3 player is accomplished is never questioned, nor explained.


(Click the picture for the video)

Clearly Two-and-a-Half-Men is trying to emulate the hip vibes of more tech savvy shows like How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory.  Jim Parsons took home the Emmy the other night, and they want to tap into this so-called “geek chic” that’s all the rage.  This show failed where just earlier tonight, How I Met Your Mother succeeded.  The ramifications of social networking made a cameo in the premiere, and were star of the show during the second episode, showing just how badly YouTube can bite you in the ass.

"Mosbius Designs has failed."

Ted Being a Tool on YouTube

In closing, Kutcher’s arrival surely signals the end for this once great show.  He plays an irritating character with a dubious origin.  Charlie would be spinning in his dustbuster if he knew what shenanigans were about to ensue in his home.  I’d like to, if I may, propose what I feel would have been a more appropriate turn for the story to take.  Evelyn Harper got around.  Why didn’t she just have a long lost younger son, that only Charlie knew about, that could treat Alan like trash?  It would have been the same show, with the same character, just a different actor.

That's Dick York...  right?

And no one can tell the diddly-ifference!

You bought a Zune, you ask?

Oh, yes.

[*Editor’s Note:  I can’t actually be certain that iPod was misspelled in the script, but I think it’s a pretty good bet.  I mean, c’mon.]


4 responses

  1. Mike Ward

    Well, the show might not be what it once was but you are the last person to criticize anything considering how boring your website is.

    March 26, 2012 at 9:08 pm

  2. Anonymous

    Love the Bewitched reference, but you can’t really expect today’s “sophisticated” television veiwer to not have issue with changing the actor without changing the character. Maybe back in the ’60’s you could get away with it, those hippies were on a LOT of drugs, Today’s viewers demand a much more cerebral television experience, hence America’s Funniest Home Videos popularity. (BTW, Too many Dicks, too few lines – Dianne)

    October 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

  3. I’m compelled to say that your being to harsh of a critic but it would prove pointless seeing as how i have yet to see the first episode. If what you are saying about Walden’s background being so convoluted then I agree with the long lost relative concept. Think of this episode like virgin sex. It’s a “bundle” of awkwardness and confusion as well as being painfully cringe worthy, but in time with trial and error it can get better. So chin up ole chap.

    September 23, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    • I hope you’re right. It’d be great if the writers step up their game and Ashton can keep me coming again and again.

      …to watch the show that is. I may have taken your metaphor a little too literally… ;(

      September 25, 2011 at 1:08 am

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